Mimpikita

If you know me well enough, you'd know that I am the laziest creature when it comes to dressing up for my lectures. Really the only reason why I even bother to make myself look presentable is because I have to go through half of London (I exaggerate) to get to uni. And when I say 'presentable', I mean jeans and a sweater and my Doc Marts (especially since term times are always around the cold season). I am very selekeh and (on very cold days) my bubble jacket does not make me look any better either. But then again I usually have only 2 hours of class in a day, so why waste a good outfit on a short and boring day in uni, right.

But last Thursday I put on extra effort to go to lecture (i.e. flats, a nice blouse and a bit more makeup je hahaha you guys have no idea how selekeh I look on normal days) sebaaaaab Mimpikita were in town! They had a pop-up shop in London just for a day to showcase their pre-spring collection and I was so excited, especially because it was literally a 10-minute walk from my uni.

I went with my girl friends straight after lecture. Don't know how long we were there sebab each of us tried on at least one Mimpikita piece. Haha it was like playing dress up! I really liked their structured lace blouse and pastel trench coat and floral coat but haihhh duit tak tumbuh kat pokok...

It was really nice though trying on the outfits and meeting the Mimpikita sisters in the flesh. They're so friendly and warm. Apparently they're gonna have a couple more pop-up shops in London later this year! I hope they'll think about bringing in pieces from their bridal collection. Hihi. To be honest, I'm already considering to have them design my future wedding dress hahahah (#MimpiFatin) but all in good time, my love, insyaAllah.

Nurul & Mira

Anyway, I hope everyone's doing great. I'm currently in my last week of lectures for my second year (already?!) (but thank God) and I'm just already sooo tired. I have lost my motivation to do my coursework at the moment – hence the blogpost. Can't wait for my spring breakkk!!!

The words of a friend

https://safaabh.wordpress.com/

It's amazing how another person can string words together and capture the essence of what you feel in a particular moment. How s/he can explain your feelings better than you can. There is a certain kind of joy that I feel when I read something that perfectly describes what I'd been trying so hard to find the words to explain.

This poem was beautifully written by a dear friend of mine, and I really could not agree more with her.

If a friend comes to you to confide about their problems, or sorrows, or struggles, or worries, sometimes, all you need to do is listen. "I'm all ears." So be. You don't necessarily have to give out advice, unless that's what they came to you for. There's no need to give them solutions to their problems either. Sometimes that's not what they want, although you might think that that's what they need.

Console them with comforting words, but don't tell them: "Some people have it worse, you know." Don't. That doesn't solve anything. That line does not magically make their troubles disappear. The only thing it will do is drive your friend away from ever confiding in you again. By saying that line, it's as if you're telling them that they're not supposed to feel sad, because other people have larger problems. That their problems don't matter in the big scheme of things.

Some people also tend to turn the conversation around and talk about how they went through a really rough patch and survived. Why? Why do you do that? What do you expect your friend to say to you then? "Congratulations"? "That's great, I wish I was more like you"? The storm will pass as it always does, but your friend's still getting through theirs. Hold their hand and be there for them instead of telling them how you'd braved through yours. Your friend came to you for someone to listen to their problems, not for you to talk about yours.

Everyone has their own struggles in life. In spite of that, or maybe because of it, the relativity of it all cannot void anyone's pain... if that makes sense.

Don't invalidate people's feelings and troubles just because you've had it worse and came out unscathed. In Safaa's words, "don't make it about you."

Letting go

They say you write when you're sad. It can be depressing to those who read and I apologise for that, but it is kind of therapeutic to channel out the sadness somehow when you have too much pride to go to your friends and talk it out. Because sometimes, you feel like your problems aren't big enough or worthy enough for their time. And sometimes, you just don't want someone to tell you to 'pick yourself up and march on because life goes on'. Sometimes, you just want to embrace your sadness for a little bit.

So this is one of those times. I am here because it's easier to write about this than talk about it to someone. I am here because my heart aches, and this is why.

One of the many many things that I am very bad at, is letting go. Which is pretty 'convenient' for someone who is also easily attached – to people, to moments, to places, to objects. I don't know if there is a good side to it at all, but if there is, I can't see it. And I've tried looking.

I don't know why I find it so hard to let go of things. It is a weakness more than anything. It is something that I have been trying for a very long time to overcome, but the more I try, the more I realise that it may just be one of those things that you have to accept and live with. Letting go has never been easy for me no matter what it is in regards to – a person, a car, a favourite shirt, my childhood bed, you name it. Others may find it petty and pathetic, but feelings are feelings and I can only ignore them or hide them for so long.

Once I get attached to something or someone, I automatically develop a fear of losing them. I hate that it makes me so vulnerable, but try as I might, I can't stop it.

I wish I wasn't so easily attached. I wish I didn't care so much.

But I am, and I do.

Naturally, it's hardest to let go of people. Before this, I thought that I could avoid this 'letting go' business by addressing the root of the problem: my attachment. I'd tried to keep my distance from people so that I wouldn't be attached to them. Unfortunately, that never solved anything... It only delayed the inevitable. Eventually, the very people that I had tried to distance myself from became the ones that I now care about very much. And I regret nothing.

Yes, people come and go and you lose friends along the way, but we don't always get to decide who stays in our lives and who doesn't. You just need to let people in and have a little faith.

There will come a time when you will need to let someone go. Or at least, loosen your hold on them. Take your time, but do it. You have to remember that people are not constants in your life. God is. And sometimes, He takes something away from you to remind you that the only attachment that is meant to be eternal is the one you have with Him.

I've come to realise that I have to slowly loosen my grip on some people. Not let them go and completely stop caring, just... lessen my attachment to them. I hope it never has to happen, but if I do have to let them go one day, maybe it won't hurt so much.

Metamorphowhat?

All my life, I have never felt the need to have a proper workout routine, solely thanks to my high metabolism. You know how people say that in every circle of friends, there will be one skinny friend who eats like an elephant? Yeah, I'm that friend. I'm one of those people who can eat aaaall they want and still won't put on any weight. I know working out goes beyond losing weight, but with that factor being eliminated from my primary concerns, it sort of lowers the priority of exercising. I did go to the gym regularly last year (yeap, you read that right), but when I went back home for the summer, the gym sessions naturally turned into pig-out sessions, and I hadn't gotten back to my routine until now..... (Admitting this is wounding my ego, but that is unfortunately the ugly truth)

One of my best friends, however, loves working out. She's the fit one in our circle of friends. We both have different ideas of 'shopping'. She spends a lot on sports/exercising equipments, which make her as happy as shoes and clothes make me. It's kind of amusing when you think about it. Haha.

She's been trying to get me to start exercising properly, so a few weeks ago she downloaded Tracy Anderson's Metamorphosis program on my laptop. It obviously remained untouched for a while, 'cause, you know, I've been busy doing other things. Like snacking on biscuits and chocolates and stuff.

This morning over breakfast I thought, alright, maybe it's time that I check it out and see how it is. Can't be that bad. I started by watching the Intro video where Tracy sits on a couch looking like a life-size Barbie doll, talking about her program and our journey, yada yada yada. How our body will totally transform at the end of 90 days. The routine is to be done 6 days in a week (what even) and there are like, 9 different routines altogether (one for every 10 days) and also a diet plan (excuse you). While she was explaining about the diet plan I just bit into my butter-and-Nutella toast and shook my head. "Nope, not gonna happen, lady."

It's pretty amazing to think how some people actually listen to her and go through the diet plan and everything. I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm ready to give up my chips and chocolates. So I've decided to veto the diet plan. I haven't seen the cardio yet, but I think I've done well for today. Step 1 (intro video), check. #achievementunlocked hahaha

Have a great week, everyone!

Stop right there, thank you very much

My heart almost never agrees with my brain. About anything. Things would be so much simpler if they did. Whenever I get a bit emotional, most of the time, it's all just in my head... Or heart.

The thing is, it's not that hard for me to like someone... Even when the situation is unideal. Even when I know that the person is not good for me. Even when my brain tells me that it's not a good idea and that I would only end up getting hurt (sebab syok sendiri, haha). But I like them anyway. Usually it's nothing more than a crush, but I ain't gonna lie, it's still enough to make me sad at times.

I don't know what it is. Have I been single for long enough that I suddenly feel lonely??? I was doing just fine all these years. And now suddenly I find myself trying to not like someone. How do you even stop feelings. Macam useless. I feel like I'm trying to stop a bullet train with my own hands. And I know that the more I try to brush it away or deny it, the more I like that person. Ugh. Isn't it stupid. I wish the brain could share some logic with the heart.

I don't like having feelings for someone. Why can't I just be emotionally unavailable until I get married?! Sigh, penat la. When I like someone, I tell my friends who it is, but mostly, I try to keep my feelings to myself. Sebab the most part of it never makes any sense – I like someone who doesn't know that I like him, and then he goes on living his life, as he should, and then he likes another girl and then I just patah hati sorang-sorang PADAHAL I have no right to be heartbroken pun -___-

It's annoying that no matter what my brain thinks, my heart does not concur. I've been telling myself, "No no no, you shouldn't be feeling this way, heart, please just STOP whatever you're doing!" This is probably just a short stupid phase (let's hope) that I will soon laugh about (with myself). But right now I just find it a bit overwhelming. Do you know how frustrating it is when you can't see a future with someone but you have feelings for them anyway. Hah.

I suppose that's not really my call. God knows best. "Kalau dah jodoh, takkan ke mana." But then again the uncertainty does not make things any better.

I hate feelings. Where is the Off button on this thing.

Ya Allah, please do not attach my heart to what's not written to be mine.

(Sorry that this post sounds very high school. Just needed to vent it out.)

Oz

Hi. I know I said I'd write about my winter break after my exams but... Hahaha I'm sorry I got too carried away with life. Anyway. So let me tell you about what happened.

A few months back, my parents had decided to go to umrah for our December holiday. We were supposed to hand in our documents for our visa by mid-November, but with me & Najwa being all the way in London, that couldn't be done. That being the case, I thought that was it. Khalas. Another time then, insyaAllah.

Nope. The morning after we arrived home (from London), my mom woke me up and asked me to take pictures for the visa. I was like "What?!" It was already so late to submit the documents but my dad still wanted to give it a shot. I was a bit reluctant to be honest, because it was so last minute and I just wanted to stay at home for the break and study for my Jan exams. I felt a bit guilty for choosing home over Mekah. I have always wanted to go there, but given the circumstances, I just didn't feel ready. I was pretty conflicted about it. Part of me wanted to go so much, but another part of me wished that we wouldn't get to. Everything was just so rushed.

In the end, we got the visas, our bags were packed, but no flights were available. So that was that. And I thought we were just gonna stay at home for once over the holidays.

But nope.

My dad didn't want to waste his days off from work, so, long story short, 2 days later, he went to MAS' office. My mom got a call from him in the late afternoon. Saying that we should pack our things because we were going to Melbourne. The very next morning. At 10am.

?!?!?!?!!!??!!

So we had to unpack our umrah things and then pack a whole different set of clothes for Melbourne. Guys. I'd left all of my clothes in London, and my favourite jeans were in the wash. I spent the whole night trying out everything I had in my wardrobe at home, playing mix-and-match. My room looked like it'd been hit by a hurricane.

Aaanyway. Melbourne was scorching hot and dry. And very expensive, might I add. A small bottle of mineral water there is $2.80!!! I keep telling people the same thing hahaha but I just find this so absurd and unreasonable. And I thought London was already expensive. Yikes.

We didn't get to do as much as we wanted to during our stay there, sadly. Since our trip was last minute and lacked prior planning, we couldn't find any available rental cars so we pretty much went around the city using the trams.

We did very simple touristy things: went to Luna Park, St Kilda beach, the Aquarium, Melbourne Zoo, and walked around the city for a bit. The boys had brought their Penny boards with them so in the evenings we would just hang out near the apartment and watch them skate.... and also take turns skating. Even my parents had a go! Hahaha I have videos of them on the Penny but, I mean, I still need a place to stay guys.

I'd forgotten to transfer the pictures from the camera to my laptop so I'll just upload a few of the ones that I have on my phone. Which is nothing much, really.

Luna Park & St Kilda

The Aquarium

One of my favourite animals of all time

These guys are really good at pretend-candid poses 

What'd I tell you

St Kilda Pier

This is probably my favourite part of our trip. We went to St Kilda Pier to watch the penguins come up at sunset. Up to this point, I'd only ever seen penguins in huge glassed enclosures in aquariums or the zoo, so it was quite amazing to see the penguins naturally swim up to the pier, waddle their way up to the rocks and call out to their friends. Quite a lot of people were at the pier, and the penguins were shy so they mostly hid in between the rocks, which made it quite tricky to spot them.

When we read about it online, it said no photography was allowed so we didn't bother to take our DSLR. Once we got there we found out that it actually meant no flash photography. And you know how suckish the iPhone camera is in poor lighting conditions. So we only ended up with grainy pictures of the penguins.

Spot the little birdie!

The only penguin that was loving the attention

It wasn't much of an eventful trip, but family time is family time, and that's what really matters. Speaking of which.... we flew home on New Year's Eve and arrived in KL the next morning, and my cousin was getting married the day after that. In Johor.

So you know what that means.

Unpacking and packing again. Ha ha ha. Anyone who knows me well enough would know that I absolutely hate packing. I honestly felt like I was being punished for something that I didn't (kidding, I probably did) do. We had like 9 hours to get a short rest, mandi, unpack and pack again, wait for the tailor to send our outfits for the wedding, and get ready. I don't even know how my dad had managed to drive all the way to Johor. Cray.

But being with my (extended) family was really the icing on the cake la. In those 4 days I laughed like a hyena and ate like a horse, and it was so so so much fun to be with everyone. (Maybe it'll be a good story for the next story time.)

After Johor, my sister and I only had a few days before we went back to London; so yeap, more packing..... *grabs a gun*

Yeesh. In less than a month I'd packed waaay more times than I was willing to. If you ask me what I remember the most about my winter break, I'd probably say "Packing and unpacking."

MIA

I almost forgot about the existence of my blog. Oops. Unexpectedly so many things had happened between my last blog post and this one so I haven't had the time to update about anything and I'm itching to write about my winter break shenanigans.

I got back to London more than a week ago, but I had exams soon after (CRIES). So basically I had to lock myself up in the apartment and sumbat information into my head for my papers and I was really depressed for a few days. I was tempted to write something on the blog then, but I try to refrain myself from posting depressing things online because I don't want to spread negative vibes to other people (this would be a good time to apologise for the gloomy tweets that were posted before I could stop myself). But I'm glad I'm out of it now, alhamdulillah. I still have one more paper tomorrow (Tuesday the 20th) but honestly at this point I just want to get it over and done with. I just can't take it no more. I want my freeeeeedoooommmm!!!

Anyway, just thought I'd drop by for a little bit. I can't wait to be done with my last paper tomorrow so that I can blog about my short trip to Melbourne and my cousin's wedding. I hope everyone's been doing great and in the best of health :) xx