The words of a friend

https://safaabh.wordpress.com/

It's amazing how another person can string words together and capture the essence of what you feel in a particular moment. How s/he can explain your feelings better than you can. There is a certain kind of joy that I feel when I read something that perfectly describes what I'd been trying so hard to find the words to explain.

This poem was beautifully written by a dear friend of mine, and I really could not agree more with her.

If a friend comes to you to confide about their problems, or sorrows, or struggles, or worries, sometimes, all you need to do is listen. "I'm all ears." So be. You don't necessarily have to give out advice, unless that's what they came to you for. There's no need to give them solutions to their problems either. Sometimes that's not what they want, although you might think that that's what they need.

Console them with comforting words, but don't tell them: "Some people have it worse, you know." Don't. That doesn't solve anything. That line does not magically make their troubles disappear. The only thing it will do is drive your friend away from ever confiding in you again. By saying that line, it's as if you're telling them that they're not supposed to feel sad, because other people have larger problems. That their problems don't matter in the big scheme of things.

Some people also tend to turn the conversation around and talk about how they went through a really rough patch and survived. Why? Why do you do that? What do you expect your friend to say to you then? "Congratulations"? "That's great, I wish I was more like you"? The storm will pass as it always does, but your friend's still getting through theirs. Hold their hand and be there for them instead of telling them how you'd braved through yours. Your friend came to you for someone to listen to their problems, not for you to talk about yours.

Everyone has their own struggles in life. In spite of that, or maybe because of it, the relativity of it all cannot void anyone's pain... if that makes sense.

Don't invalidate people's feelings and troubles just because you've had it worse and came out unscathed. In Safaa's words, "don't make it about you."