Those Myspace days

Felt like writing something tonight but I couldn't decide what to write about, so I decided to answer a survey. I used to love answering surveys back when I was on Myspace, and I loved reading other people's answers too. Just a silly thing to do, but I figured it might be nice to find this again one day and remember what I was doing/feeling at this very moment.

Have a nice read and, if you decide to not read it, have a nice day! xx

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Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

".... of marriage, motherhood, responsibility... reality." (If You Could See Me Now, by Cecelia Ahern)

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?

A cushion.

Before you started this survey, what were you doing?

Checking Adele's 2016 tour dates for London! Really really hoping that I'll get ticketssssss.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?

That 70's Show.

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Just now, at noon. I was heading to uni for my Health Psychology lecture.

Do you remember your dreams?

I do, sometimes. And my dreams are super weird, especially when I'm stressed out. Basically the more stressed I am, the weirder my dreams get.

What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Framed photos of my family, prints on canvas, and two clocks – one for UK, the other for Malaysia :)

Seen anything weird lately?

Yeah I just saw my friends over the weekend.

What is the last film you saw?

Hmm I can't really remember. I've only been watching TV shows recently (Hell's Kitchen or That 70's Show or X Factor). It might have been Inside Out.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

KL or London, hands down. My top 2 favourite cities in the world.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Omg so many things. But first off I would probably buy my dad a classic car and for my mum, John Lewis. Yes, the department store.

Tell me something about you that most people don't know.

I make a lot of lame jokes. I'm quite surprised that some of my friends are just learning this about me. Still funny though.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

Put more love in it. This world is just so full of hate now and I think, when it comes down to it, that's what's causing all the horrible things around us.

Do you like to dance?

Yes but I can't dance to save my life. Cries.

Would you ever consider living abroad?

I already am :)

Does your name make any interesting anagrams?

Yeah, it can spell 'Faint'... Not so interesting though.

Who made the last incoming call on your phone?

My friend Husna.

What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

I think it was a software for uni which was giving me such a bad time! I'm supposed to use it for my dissertation and it suddenly wouldn't work on my laptop, which is weird because I've been using the same thing on my laptop for 2 years already. I'd called the uni to fix the issue but they said they'd never encountered the problem before. So I uninstalled and installed it again at least 5 times but it still wouldn't work. I almost had a breakdown thinking that I might have to get a new laptop so that I could start on my work soon. Buttt all's good now alhamdulillah! Finally. Phew.

Last time you swam in a pool?

Ages ago! Probably more than a year ago.

Type of music you like most?

I don't like to answer this kind of questions, it's so hard. Next.

Are you listening to music right now?

Nope.

What color is your bedroom carpet?

Cream.

If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?

I want a wallpaper on one of my bedroom walls, and more plants for the balcony. And shelves. And one huge wall covered in mirror like the ones you see in dance studios.

What was the last thing you bought?

A phone case for my friend.

Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?

Yes I have, but only sebagai pembonceng.

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?

Just had a conversation about this with my friends yesterday! I decided that I'd go with skydiving. It's scary to just be hanging on a rope.

Do you have a garden?

Not in London, sadly.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

"What time is it?"

If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?

Just one?! So not fair. I think, as of right now, Yuna. She's just seen so much of the world and done so many things, met so many people. I have a lot of questions for her. And so many stories I wanna hear!

Who sent the last text message you received?

The reception, saying that I've received a parcel.

What time is bed time?

After 12am.

What did you do for your last birthday?

I had a picnic at Hyde Park with some friends. Najwa had so thoughtfully planned (and cooked) everything. Such a beautiful, beautiful day!

Do you carry a donor card?

I don't have one.

Who was the last person you ate dinner with?

Najwa and Husna.

Is the glass half empty or half full?

My glass is completely empty. But my bladder is full.

When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?

Tak pernah grow a tomato at home.

Are you a good cook?

Whoa now, I wouldn't go that far.

Do you know how to pump your own gas?

Yes!!! I'm a big girl now guys, I can do it without panicking anymore.

If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?

Nenek.

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?

That's all I've ever worn throughout my whole school life.

What's under your bed?

Bags and shoes. Basically the loves of my life <3

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I do. That's how I end up with a lot of the stuff I own.

Think fast, what do you like right now?

Cereal.

Where were you on Valentine's day?

Cardiff. Quite surprised that I could remember this as Valentine's day is just another normal day for me. I only remember this because I can recall walking around Cardiff with my chaletmates and being super confused as to why so many people are holding flowers and balloons, only realising what day it was later that evening.

What time do you get up?

Late. Earliest these days would be 9.30am. I'd say 10am is my average :/

What was the name of your first pet?

Flo. It was a fighter fish my sister got as a party pack from her friend's birthday party hahaha my parents were not amused.

Is there anything going on this weekend?

No plans for the weekend so far.

How are you feeling right now?

Sleepy.

What do you think about the most?

Life, in general. But if I had to be specific, I think I think about the future a lot these days.

If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?

Sorry, tak main lottery.

What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?

Oh wow. I think it was Paper Towns over the summer. I think. I don't go to the cinema here in London because they (relatively) cost a bomb and the popcorn's so tawar, unlike TGV's caramel popcorn! Not even close!

Do you sing in the shower?

All. The. Time.

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

I don't have a credit card and I don't intend to get/ask for one. How to Prevent Life Debts & Bankruptcy 101.

What do you do most when you are bored?

Netflix and chill at home in my jammies with food. None of that haram double meaning thing going on here k guys!

What do you do for a living?

I study...........?

Do you love your job?

............ What matters is that I'm still alive.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

A cashier! I always found it so cool when I was a little girl. But then I grew up and became a regular on the other side of the cash register. So hello from the other side hahaha

If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?

I don't know, I kind of want to try a little bit of everything. Why is there no Kidzania for adults? I need to know which job I'd like the most.

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

It's 12.41am right now. I'm thinking way too much about this. Can I not answer this question.

How many keys on your key ring?

Two, I think.

Where would you retire to?

Let me find a job first that I can actually retire from, k? Then can ask me this question again.

What kind of car do you drive?

Kereta kecil warna merah, boleh ku bawa ke sekolah.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?

Everywhere!

What kind of books do you like to read?

Chick lits. Not very intellectual, but always a good means of temporary escape from reality.

What is your favourite time of the day?

All the time. I love the sunrise and sunset for their magnificent beauty, the early morning for its peace and tranquility (which I'm rarely awake for), the rest of the day for the presence of the sun, and the night for the stars and simply because I get to relax at home.

Where did you grow up?

Setiawangsa, the one and only! #madeinSetiawangsa

How far away from your birthplace do you live now?

6, 549 miles, to be specific.

What are you reading now?

If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern. In between reading journal articles for my dissertation.

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

As much as I honestly wish that I was a morning person, I'm very much a night owl.

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Yes I can! Haha #funfact

Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?

... Yes. Why this question so weird one.

Do you have pets?

Back at home, yes. We have 9 cats. Or 8. I don't know, lost count already.

How many rings before you answer the phone?

Depends on who's calling.

What is your best childhood memory?

I have LOTS. Impossible to pick one!

What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?

I've only ever had one job, and that was after high school, at a play centre called Tumble Tots. I love working with kids and I wish to open my own kindergarten one day insyaAllah. Then you can all send your kids to me! Muahaha.

Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?

Boots was having a Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale this past weekend so I just bought myself some new makeup brushes!!!

What is most important in life?

FAMILY. Always and forever.

Amsterdam (Part II)

K guys. Vivy has gone to NY and back, and blogged a bit about her trip, and I'm still not done yet with my Amsterdam story. She runs her own company. Has a husband and 2 kids. Hundreds of handbags and shoes (tak relevant, tapi it still scores points in my book). And yet she still updates her blog regularly. How the heck.

Scoreboard: Vivy 10, 000 – Fatin 1 (for trying).

Huh. . . . . That's probably the ratio of the money in our bank accounts.

.......... Anyway. I'm back with more travel tales yang dah basi. Yay!

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Day 2

The second day was a bit more structured and organised than the first. We'd bought tickets for a tour to the windmills, a clogs factory, and a cheese factory. The tour started at 2pm, so in the morning we made a short trip to a market there called the Albert Cuyp Market.

It's quite funny how I'd grown rather fond of markets ever since I came to London. Granted, the markets that I go to bear very little resemblance to the pasar tani's back in KL, but still. Not many people my age would be excited about the prospect of going to a market. Haha.

The Albert Cuyp Market is the largest street market in Holland. It's super long and it sort of felt like a combination of pasar tani and Petaling Street. It had sooo many stalls selling so many different things – flowers, fabrics, bags, shoes, clothes, table cloths, beauty products, food, raw ingredients, spices. Everything!

We walked quite far at the market, but I don't think we even covered half of it! We didn't get to spend a long time there 'cause we had to make our way to the meeting point for the tour at noon.

It didn't take long for us to realise that a lot of the people on the tour were elderlies. Some were couples with babies and there were a few young adults like us. We were probably the youngest adults there who travelled on our own, much to our tour guide's surprise. She was like, "Are you two travelling on your own? How can your parents let you go out by yourselves?? How old are you?" She almost fell over when we told her our age. "I thought you were 14!"

Zaanse Schaans

The first stop of our tour, about an hour away from central Amsterdam, was Zaanse Schans. The windmills place. It's so beautiful and super a-dor-a-ble. It looked like a small village for children, I swear. Like a make-believe little town. It was quite hard for me to take the place seriously and wrap my head around the fact that people actually work there. Because look:

That's our tour guide with the red umbrella hahaha she had her arm up like that the whole day

I mean, doesn't it look like a place where the villagers wear the same outfits everyday and walk around with little wooden baskets and drive around in little red cars?! Cute!

Clogs & Cheese

After the windmills we got on the bus again and drove off to a small cottage where they showed us how the wooden shoes are made. They literally start with a wooden block. Then they just use machines on the blocks to make holes for the feet to go in and smoothen the surface. Easy peasy. 

Of course they're not at all fashionable, but hey, that's not what they're made for. The shoes are practical for farmers because they protect their feet in case they get stomped on by cows or horses. The hooves won't lenyek the farmers' feet as long as they wear clogs.

And after 22 years of living, I finally realised that Cinderella was wearing clogs when she fed the chickens. (Ah-ha moment.)

The clogs factory was situated in a small neighbourhood with the cutest houses I have ever seen. All of them had steep pointy roofs and planked walls and were painted either green or black. No other colour. The tour guide said something about this... they got the colour from the plants, or somewhere or other, for some reason I can't remember. Hahaaa sorry guys.

The kind of house that I'd been drawing my whole childhood life.

As we were walking through the neighbourhood, we reached this one part where the path went under a house (or something like that). The path was sooo small; to one side was a wall and the other was a river. It was pretty cute until we came face to face with a car that wanted to pass through. That was when cute became a problem.

Oh tiny places, how you amuse me to no end.

This is probably my favourite part: To get to the cheese factory from the little neighbourhood, we went on a boat. So. Cool.

At the cheese factory, we heard a woman talk about how cheese was made. Ok, get this: to make cheese, you put an enzyme in milk to make it curdle. Then the curds (the solid part) are separated from the whey (the liquid) and is 'cooked' to make cheese, while the whey is usually discarded. But the lady said that whey is good to drink because it prevents wrinkles. Someone in the group asked her, "Does it work?" She answered, "I guess so, I drink it everyday." Then she asked us how old did she look.

She's 52 years old, guys. Fifty two. I literally thought she was 40 and I was afraid to say it out loud because I didn't want to offend her. So I said 37. When she told us her real age, my mouth just dropped and I couldn't hide my surprise. I was sat in the front row with my mouth open for quite a while.

Whey, sumpah tak lek doh. (Hahahahahahaha I'm sorry I couldn't resist.) I want to look that young when I turn 52! I'm gonna need some of that whey!!

By the whey (last pun, I promise), did you know that smoked cheese and pesto cheese actually taste nice? Smoked cheese actually tastes like sausages that has a cheese filling. We were pleasantly surprised, so we bought both of them.

Literally the only time when it's relevant for us to say 'Cheese' for a photo

It was a 6-hour tour so we were knackered by the time we got back. We had a fantastic day though, and great weather too! Holland's countryside is absolutely picturesque and the entire drive outside Amsterdam was accompanied by goooorgeous views.

I'm so glad that Najwa found the tour when she did (thanks Wa). The tour guide was so friendly and sweet too; she kept on coming to us to ask if we're okay – this was before she found out that we're in our 20's hahaha. When we arrived in Amsterdam that night and were saying our goodbyes, she hugged us and said, "Girls, please go straight back to your hotel, okay? Don't go around the city at this time, it's dark and it's not safe for you girls. Take care."

And that's another thing I love about travelling: meeting people with kind hearts.

A screw-up

I am in that self-loathing zone tonight, and rightly so. I hate myself.

2015 is almost over now and if I were to sum it up in a sentence, it's: 2015 is the year that Fatin screws up (a lot).

I did something totally unthinkable today, and while it was not in any way intentional, it was super careless and stupid of me. I have messed up many times throughout my lifespan but today, it was really the icing on the cake la. I'm so upset with myself and I couldn't help but spend my whole evening thinking about the times I've screwed up this year.

I try so hard to be responsible, to do right by the people I love, to do things the right way. But somehow, I always manage to make a mess out of things and disappoint the people around me. Somehow, it seems like the harder I try, the more I mess up. Things just keep backfiring and it's so frustrating.

What am I, Wreck-it Ralph? Brb while I go cry in anger and frustration.

Amsterdam (Part I)

One of the reasons why my sister & I were back in London way before term time was so that we could travel somewhere while it was still summer. Initially, we'd wanted to go to Budapest, Prague, and Vienna, but

a) we didn't have much time during the raya month to plan a proper trip to 3 different places,

b) a lot of our friends were planning to fly back to the UK a bit later, and

c) since it would be just the 2 of us, our dad wouldn't let us travel there considering the refugees crisis surrounding the areas.

We've got other places on our To-Go lists but we're saving most of them to visit with our friends later on. So, long story short, we ended up having Amsterdam as our destination.

Accommodation

Our plan was quite last minute, actually: we booked our accommodation merely a few days before the trip. We stayed at QBic Hotel which is located at the World Trade Centre, so I felt quite safe. To me, business area = serious people = fairly safe. Hahaha maybe it's just me though... But the place is really convenient la 'cause it's literally like a minute away from Amsterdam-Zuid station and also a tram station.

It's called QBic sebab the furniture setting is literally cubic. I don't know how to explain it properly so nah, gambar:

Picture credit: qbichotels.com

Our room didn't look like this. Ours was smaller – just big enough to fit the cube (with the bed on one side of the cube, a mini kitchen on another, then the bathroom on another, and then a wardrobe). Pretty cute. But more importantly, the whole place is clean. Even the hallway smelled of sanitiser and the bed was organic. As someone who's always (silently) anxious about bacteria everywhere, I was just so puas hati. My heart was practically smiling! One miiiiinor thing though.......

Picture credit: qbichotels.com

The bathroom doesn't have a door. Just. WHY. But in our room, thankfully the bathroom's side is parallel to that of the bed. So when one of us was in the bathroom, the other was simply forbidden to enter that half of the room. (I would've been more grateful if there was a door though hahaha I felt so freakin' exposed. Now I feel like thanking the bathroom door at home every time I close it.)

Other than that, I loved the hotel. You can include breakfast in your booking but we didn't opt for that. We could have hot drinks (& fruits) as much as we liked, though, which was good enough for an avid hot chocolate lover like me. This is how the lobby looks like:

Picture credit: qbichotels.com

The staff at the hotel are super friendly & helpful too. One of them even helped us to find tour tickets online! So nice.

Day 1

Najwa & I didn't have any solid plans for the trip so we decided to take it easy. Kononnya. We got the 72-hour travel pass (for trams + metros + buses + trains) for €16.50. So worth it, in my opinion. It gave us the liberty to be lazy whenever we wanted.

We went to the central in the morning and rented bicycles to explore the city. Najwa loves planning & organising trips, so our lack of planning for the short getaway sort of threw her a bit off balance in the beginning. Me, on the other hand..... My motto that day was: "The best way to explore a city, is to get lost in it." 

So in other words, YOLO.

Being the confident little navigator that I am (not), at first I thought I could use the canal as a guide or a landmark.... until I looked at the map and saw.... that the canal.... was all around the city.....

So ya we did get lost for a while la. Najwa kept on asking "Kaaak, where are we going?!" or shouting "Kaaak! Wrong way!" Hahaha. I zoomed here and there and paid little attention to where I was going because I was trying not to get run over by a car/tram, or cycle into a car/pedestrian or, more possibly, lose my balance & fall off my bike. I'll tell you something, if you hate driving in KL, try cycling in Amsterdam. Damn stressful I tell you!!!

Amsterdam's really pretty. I love how the same row of buildings have not only different colours, but also different shapes and sizes. Not to forget the framed windows and colourful shutters! So cantik!

After about an hour or so of cycling aimlessly, we then decided to head to the Rijksmuseum (Najwa led the way this time). And discovered the famous 'iamsterdam' sign that everyone just lovesss. But there was a huge event going on beside it at the time and we could only take pictures from a short distance away from the sign. It was super crowded too, so the pictures were all quite pathetic.

E for "Eh eh, comel juga awak ni."

Look at all those humans

F this, I give up

Afterwards, we returned the bikes and headed to Anne Frank's House. The tickets were sold out online, but we only had to wait for about half an hour in the queue so it wasn't so bad. (I've heard that the wait is usually longer than that, so if you're planning to go, try to get the tickets online to save time.)

It was a really good experience; so surreal to be in the exact rooms where the Franks (+ a few others) used to live in hiding from The Nazis. I got goosebumps and I'm sure I wasn't the only one. I hadn't even expected myself to get emotional, to be honest, but seeing the actual place, the handwritten letters & the diary entries was a bit overwhelming I suppose. Nobody deserves to live in that condition. Visitors aren't allowed to take pictures inside the house, unfortunately. So.

That pretty much covers Day 1 of our trip.

I'll write about the rest of the trip soon insyaAllah. My eyes are tired of staring at the screen already. See? Already juling.

Talk to you soon! Goodnight xx

In a nutshell

Ok la, I officially suck at being a consistent blogger. The last time I blogged, it was before raya puasa. It is now already after raya haji. I thought I could easily get away with it but someone reminded me that I've been absent for way too long (hehe hi Nadia).

I'd been preoccupied with so many other things since raya puasa, that blogging just didn't seem like much of a priority. My summer escape this year felt so short because I only spent 2 months back in Malaysia, and since I don't really go out in Ramadhan, that was one month gone. I spent the remaining month catching up with old friends, being clingy with my Setiawangsa babes, going to raya openhouses, while also running errands, being the driver, and everything else in between. It was quite crazy. I had plans almost everyday and I felt sooo bad because at one point, before I could even ask for my parents' permission to go out, my dad beat me to it: "Esok Fatin pergi mana pulak?" Yikes.

I came back to London around mid-August – way sooner than I was ready for. But thankfully I didn't have that long to be really sad and homesick because a week afterwards, my childhood friend, Najat, came to London for a holiday. We had a few easy days to ourselves before Raihan joined us from Bath and we went on a short trip to Edinburgh, Manchester and Chester. We had other things planned out as well until Najat flew back home. After that, Raihan and I spent a few days just lazing around at home to recover from our trip haha.

Thennn my sister came back to London, and then we went to Amsterdam pula for a few days. Came back to London and it was raya haji! And tadaaa, here I am. So there's my story in a nutshell – my justification for being away for so long. (Kena justify because I feel bad for abandoning the blog for so long.)

I'd saved my remaining free time for leisure reading, in between everything else. I always make full use of the opportunity during summer, because it's one of the things that I miss the most during term time when the assignments and workload start to pile up :( Maybe I'll write about one of the books soon enough. InsyaAllah.

There are a few other things that I want to share as well, so let's hope that I'll get to do that while I still have the time! Please don't marah me if I don't get down to it soon enough. Ampun maaf dipinta.

Till then, guys. Take good care xx

Raya prep

Is it just me, or does it feel like Ramadhan only started like 2 hours ago? Time just whizzed by, man. Suddenly we all have just a week left till Raya. Is this even real?!

I trust that everyone's getting their Raya preparations underway by now. I literally just realised that I have none of my outfits ready with me. A skirt is with my tailor, two outfits are sent for alteration, and I'm still waiting for my last-minute parcel from Zalora. *low-key panics* (Yeah, I have four sets of outfits this year. Is this a normal number? Anyone???)

Actually the initial plan was to have just one new outfit for the first morning of Raya (because it's sunnah to have a new outfit for the first day!) and just recycle my old outfits for the other days. Because, well, I keep on getting new outfits for Raya and only wear them once or twice, and then they just stay in my wardrobe – because hello, who wears a nice baju kurung/dress on a normal day??? There are no nice events for me to attend and dress up for. I've been volunteering to go to weddings with my parents but they always halau me hahaha so how leh? And none of my friends are getting married yet! Ugh. Guys please just hurry up and kahwin and invite me to your wedding okay, some of my baju kurungs and dresses need some serious lovin'. If nothing comes up in the near future, I might just wear my baju kurung to the mall one day. Or, you know, dress up to watch TV at home. Which sort of reminds me of three of my favourite girlfriends:

So guys. Please.

Anyway, getting back on track........... So yeah. Supposedly just one new outfit. But then one thing led to another (doesn't it always?), and tadaaaaaaa: now I have four. Hehe. It's alright. I'll try again next year. InsyaAllah.

I can't wait to see everyone looking glam and handsome in their Raya outfits! Ladies in baju kurungs and men in baju Melayu's and sampin(g)s? Yes, please!

Have a good preparation guys, but don't forget to utilise these last few nights of Ramadhan fully! xx

The hug that I never came home to

Five months. I hadn’t seen my grandmother for five months. I was so excited to come home and see her, hug her, eat her superb cooking, bully her, and gurau with her like I always do. Did.

I missed her voice. I missed hearing her scolding the kids. Laughing with her and at her. Having conversations with her and my mum’s side of the family over dinner on Friday nights. Dropping in at her house when I run some errands and was passing by the neighbourhood. Getting scolded by her for laughing so much that I couldn’t finish telling my story, but then she would end up laughing along anyway.

Five months. I couldn’t wait to come home for the summer. The first thing I was going to do on my first morning back in Malaysia was to go to her house and shout “Neneeeeekkk!!!” like I always do. Did.

But, as eager as I was to see her, it had turned out that God was even more eager than I was. I’d missed my Nenek, but I guess He missed her more.

I was walking in Bayswater with Syazwan last Wednesday when I received a text saying that Nenek had passed away. “Nenek mana?” I replied. Denial. As if there was another person that I call ‘Nenek’. I didn’t want to believe it. It was too surreal. My family and I were going to fly home in 3 days; I only had 3 days left till I could see her. But that was that. Ajal tak menunggu sesiapa.

Alhamdulillah, we managed to catch the first flight home the next day, but it obviously wasn’t soon enough; we couldn’t make it in time for the funeral. It felt like the longest 13 hours of my life, but the thing about a long journey is that for those 13 exhausting hours, you can put reality on hold for a bit. Nothing feels real.

But then again, another thing about journeys is that they always come to an end. Soon after we landed, we made our way straight to my grandmother’s house. Straight to reality. And no matter how much I tried to prepare myself for it, the closer we got to the house, the more I panicked inside. I broke down right in front of the gate. "Fatin taknak masuk," I kept crying to my dad. Nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of a loved one. Especially if it is unexpected. But ultimately, to Allah we belong and to Him we shall return.

“To Allah belongs what He took and to Him belongs what He gave.” Rahimah sent me that. I will forever be grateful to Allah for giving me you, Nenek. You are one of the greatest gifts in our lives. You were a loan to us all and now your Owner has called you home. I’m devastated that we couldn’t be there to see you, kiss you, and hug you before you left us. I never got the chance to tell you that I love you, and ask for your forgiveness... I never even got to kiss you one last time and say the last goodbye. But Allah knows best and His plans are perfect, so I accept His decree. Susah, tapi redha. Everything happens for a reason.

I love you so much, Nenek, but Allah loves you more. He loves you more. InsyaAllah one day, I’ll see you again in Heaven and get that hug that I’ve missed so much; that hug that I didn't have the chance to come home to.