The hardest goodbye

My sister's still sad about leaving KY. She's going through the "grieving phase" where she misses everything about college. I didn't go through that... Not really. Not in the same way. When I graduated from KY, I didn't have time to be sad over the goodbyes I had to say to college and my friends. My mind was occupied with another goodbye at the time. Everyone in the family was.

A year ago today, my family lost a person very dear to us: my uncle. It was sudden; none of us expected it and we certainly weren't ready for it. Everything happened so fast that most of us couldn't even digest the events properly. In the week preceding that fateful day, I spent my last week in KY trying hard to keep my composure. In between enjoying the company of my lovely friends, I was constantly checking my phone for updates on my uncle who was in a coma then.

My graduation was a rush. After the ceremony ended, I emptied my chalet and we rushed back home, unloaded the car, packed our bags and then we were off to Johor. I didn't cry before or after leaving college, I barely had a chance to say proper goodbyes, but it didn't matter. There was only one person on my mind.

Ami Fadzlul returned to his Creator on June 23rd 2013 at 10.15pm, which was also the night of Nisfu Sya'aban.

I can't believe that it's been a year since he left us. It seems so recent. Secretly, I still find it so hard to talk about my uncle. Whenever I want to mention something about him, it feels as though someone is pinching my heart from the inside. I can only imagine how my grandparents, my father, his siblings, and my uncle's family feel. I'm sure the pain is even more acute for them. But things happen for a reason, and Allah is the Best Healer. May Allah heal our hearts and always make us of the grateful and patient.

We all miss him very dearly. The family is still growing now but it feels incomplete. It's as though there's a large gaping hole in our family photo that will always be there. A hole that can never be filled by someone else.

I pray that you're happy where you are, Ami. I pray that Allah protects you from azab kubur and the torments of the Hellfire. I pray that all of us will meet again in Paradise one day, insyaAllah. Amin. Wait for us. We miss you and we love you so, so much.