I can't sleep. It's past 3am and I know I should go to bed if I want to overcome this jetlag – I'm back in KL! –, but an idea popped into my head just now and I got so restless that I just refused to sleep. I needed to write it down somewhere, but unfortunately I'd left all of my nice notebooks in London! Drat. (That's one thing about me: I love love love myself a nice notebook but I always feel too 'sayang' to use it. So I end up just keeping it in a drawer until I find a worthy use for it; and by now I have a small collection of cute notebooks.)
So anyway, I feel like this idea deserves a very pretty, well-bound notebook. I thought I'd kept at least one nice notebook tucked away somewhere in the study room or my bedroom, but non. Shamefully. I really hope this idea will stay put in my mind until I find a proper notebook for it, because an A4 paper just will not do.
But I'm writing this post because my search just now was not a complete failure. During my rather ill-timed quest following an inconveniently-timed epiphany (sahur is less than 2 hours from now and I have a long journey back to my kampung in the morning), I came across my very old notebooks that I had during high school. They were all full of notes for exams, or numbered lists of my thoughts, but most of the pages contained doodles.
My friends and I used to love doodling sooo much back then. I could doodle at any time about anything. Some were snippets of conversations, some were song lyrics, some were famous quotes, and some were just random words that popped into my head. I didn't really care what it was, I just had to write. I always had a pen in my hand in school; sometimes I sit through a class just doodling what the teacher is saying.
It's interesting to read the scribbles again and be taken back to my school days. I even found some conversations that I had with my friends on paper, about basic and stupid things. Such carefree times! Just thought maybe it'd be nice to share some of my doodles here on the blog:
I hope I won't regret putting these up! Hahaha just keep in mind that whatever you see are very mindless thoughts of some 16-year-old girls and they would most probably seem very out-of-context!
I also found some heartfelt entries here and there, which made me realise how much I loved writing. I guess I was pretty good at it, too. I was easily very honest about my feelings, and reading those entries makes me feel like I was much braver back then. I wrote what I wanted to; my entries conveyed what I'd felt at the time.
I used to blog a lot more too, but I don't know, somewhere along the way something made me feel like I was being too transparent; like I was showing people how vulnerable I was. So I stopped writing for a while and deleted my blog and became more cautious about what I reveal, especially when it comes to my feelings. I think I've become quite... emotionally constipated nowadays. Hahaha.
I also find it harder to pen down my thoughts properly now which explains the lack of blogposts! (Not that anyone cares...) I swear I have so many incomplete posts which have been left hanging. Let's hope my 2009 writing mojo comes back to me soon!
Anyway, take care guys and I hope it's not too late to wish you a Ramadhan kareem xx
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