The hardest goodbye

My sister's still sad about leaving KY. She's going through the "grieving phase" where she misses everything about college. I didn't go through that... Not really. Not in the same way. When I graduated from KY, I didn't have time to be sad over the goodbyes I had to say to college and my friends. My mind was occupied with another goodbye at the time. Everyone in the family was.

A year ago today, my family lost a person very dear to us: my uncle. It was sudden; none of us expected it and we certainly weren't ready for it. Everything happened so fast that most of us couldn't even digest the events properly. In the week preceding that fateful day, I spent my last week in KY trying hard to keep my composure. In between enjoying the company of my lovely friends, I was constantly checking my phone for updates on my uncle who was in a coma then.

My graduation was a rush. After the ceremony ended, I emptied my chalet and we rushed back home, unloaded the car, packed our bags and then we were off to Johor. I didn't cry before or after leaving college, I barely had a chance to say proper goodbyes, but it didn't matter. There was only one person on my mind.

Ami Fadzlul returned to his Creator on June 23rd 2013 at 10.15pm, which was also the night of Nisfu Sya'aban.

I can't believe that it's been a year since he left us. It seems so recent. Secretly, I still find it so hard to talk about my uncle. Whenever I want to mention something about him, it feels as though someone is pinching my heart from the inside. I can only imagine how my grandparents, my father, his siblings, and my uncle's family feel. I'm sure the pain is even more acute for them. But things happen for a reason, and Allah is the Best Healer. May Allah heal our hearts and always make us of the grateful and patient.

We all miss him very dearly. The family is still growing now but it feels incomplete. It's as though there's a large gaping hole in our family photo that will always be there. A hole that can never be filled by someone else.

I pray that you're happy where you are, Ami. I pray that Allah protects you from azab kubur and the torments of the Hellfire. I pray that all of us will meet again in Paradise one day, insyaAllah. Amin. Wait for us. We miss you and we love you so, so much.

Home at last!

I'm finally home! Alhamdulillah, it feels so good to be back. After nine months of being in London (can't believe I've been away for that long!), I'm sleeping in my own bed and having dinner with my family at home again.

My journey home wasn't really the best one. I flew with Anusha on Emirates from Gatwick Airport to Dubai, and then from Dubai to KLIA. The flight from LGW-DXB went by pretty quickly. I bullied & annoyed Anusha most of the time and when she slept, I played 2048 on my phone (damn addictive I tell you, especially once you've gotten 2048). I slept for only 1 hour and 17 minutes – I don't mean to be so critical, but when you rely on your phone's digital clock to tell you the time, you can't help but to be. My eyes were bloodshot and I was totally knackered but I always have trouble sleeping upright in flights. But before we knew it, 6 hours passed just like that. 

DXB-KUL was a bit more miserable for me. I slept first thing after the plane took off but when I woke up my gastric was acting up, and I couldn't sit up straight. For a very long time I just focused on not throwing up. Alhamdulillah I didn't, but it meant more trips to the toilet for me. That wasn't so fun. But anyway, the 7 (very long) hours came and went and the plane started its descent into KLIA at 9.30pm (Sunday night). I saw the most gorgeous view before we landed, and subhanallah, I totally forgot about the pain in my stomach (either that or it completely disappeared). Kuala Lumpur is so beautiful and I think many of us don't stop and appreciate it enough.

Baggage claim took ages though, and both Anusha and I were getting so restless and antsy, knowing that our families were just outside in the Arrival hall. I was so excited to walk out and hug my family that I was half running with my trolley. I love Arrival halls. They're always buzzing with anticipation and excitement, and it's just absolutely heartwarming to see families, friends and couples embrace each other in tight hugs after some time apart. I saw my family and my uncle's family through the glass which made me walk even faster. I obviously cried when I hugged everyone, being the crybaby that I am. I couldn't help it. It's just so good to see everyone again.

I'm still battling with jet lag now (2 days later) and I have yet to unpack my things. My luggage's contents are no longer neatly arranged because I furiously rummaged through it yesterday to look for something. Zzz. Unpacking is going to take a while. My room needs a proper spring cleaning because I have so many unnecessary things that are also miscellaneous, which means that I can't find an appropriate place to keep each of them. And then there's my wardrobe..... Man, I went through my clothes that are hanging in my wardrobe and I was seriously judging myself. Cringe. A lot of them need to go.

There are so many things that I want and need to do this summer, so much cravings to be satisfied, so many people to meet and catch up with! I sure hope I'll have the chance to do everything, or at least most of the things, insyaAllah. However for now, I've got to adjust my sleeping pattern and get used to the heat first.

It's good to be back, Malaysia.