Up up and away!

I'm generally not a morning person. No matter how hard I try to reset my body clock. So if I wake up at my own will at 7am, something big's about to happen on that day.

For me yesterday, that big thing was Jump Street. I'd planned to go with 3 of my primary schoolmates and a friend from high school and I had been excited about it for daysss. I picked out my outfit the night before, packed my essentials in an old bag (handbag's too pretty for Jump Street), and tried to coax myself to sleep (excitement kept me up till almost 2am). I felt sooo much like a kid.

On normal days, if I had to wake up at 7am I'd go in the shower with only one eye open. But yesterday I woke up before my alarm went off and showered straight away, already excited to start my day. I took just a short time to get ready – okay la fine, I didn't have to dress up and do my makeup (but to be frank I did neaten up my eyebrows a bit haha) – and then drove to Najat's house 'cause we were all carpooling with her to PJ.

It was quite confusing to find the place but we got there not long after it had just opened, so not many people were there yet. We started jumping at the main court first and I was bouncing here and there and everywhere like a frog. Oh my God. It was sooo much fun and after a while I felt like I was floating in the air. Farah was just jumping calmly and doing her thing while Najat & Nana tried to do jumping jacks on the trampoline which was so funny to watch. It wasn't long before everyone pancit and after all of us have caught our breath, we headed off to the dodgeball court.

Utter chaos, I tell you. I could only sempat to grab a ball before I bounced (literally) away while screaming sebab takut kena attack. I just survived one round of dodgeball after which I surrendered and sat outside the court to see my girl friends getting attacked by Adib. Man, I wish I had popcorn.

Then we headed to the foam pit section. I saw one of the referees doing a flip there and I thought it might be fun to try. Adib jumped first, did a flip and then fell flat on the cube sponges. Farah decided there and then that she wasn't going in because getting out of the foam wouldn't be easy. It looked pretty easy to me, so I tried to give it a shot. I jumped forever on the trampoline and when I thought I'd gathered enough courage to do a flip, I launched myself off the platform and tried to roll myself into a ball.......

but I chickened out as soon as my body curled forward and I flailed in the air before landing face first and went missing amidst the sea of sponges. Not the prettiest sight. Nana tried too and her fate was the same as mine. Unfortunately. Hahahaha. Then I tried to jump a second time with Najat (I refused to jump forward at first and the referee was like "Do you want me to push you?!" which obviously made me scream) but both of us just landed pathetically in the pit and had to dig our way out of the sponges. What a bunch of losers. Hahaha.

Needless to say, by the end of it we were all exhausted and hungry from all the frogging around. Nevertheless it was such great fun and a really nice break from all the makeup, heels, malls, brunches and everything else that we always do to hang out. Besides, the place lets you unleash your inner toddler for a legit reason and I don't see why it's not a good idea. And you only need to pay RM20 (plus RM4.50 if you don't already have the socks). I think it's a brilliant idea. Anyway, time for photos!

So much love for these people, it's crazy.

Relationship talk

"You takda anyone ke sekarang ni?"
"Tak cari boyfriend mat salleh?"
"Dah ada boyfriend ke belum?"

FAQ when you're in your twenties. My answer is the same every time, "No, I don't want a relationship right now."

Here's why. Aside from it being haram, I've got a lot of other reasons why I really don't want a boyfriend. Some may disagree with me, and that's fine. People have different priorities in life, and having a boyfriend/girlfriend may be one of the prime concerns for some people. It's not for me.

I've only ever been in one relationship before. It was nice while it lasted but very painful when it ended. I was heartbroken for quite a long time and ever since then I think I'd slowly built a wall around myself. People kept asking me when I was going to meet someone new, but that was the last thing that I wanted to do. Why would I recover from a heartbreak only to set myself up for another one? Of course I can't completely protect myself from getting hurt, but as much as I can help it, I will.

I don't know why people stay in a relationship if they don't see it ending in marriage. Why bother, then? Why do you waste your time? You go to places, you have songs for each other, you give each other gifts and collect mementos from dates. You take beautiful pictures with your arms around each other. Maybe, just maybe, one day you break up. The places that you love remind you of your ex. You've got songs you can't listen to because now they hold another meaning. You own things that he gave you, but you can't possibly throw away. Like that Michael Kors watch he gave you for your birthday. Or the bracelet that he bought for you as an anniversary present. You love this particular picture of when you went on a roadtrip, or a concert, but the picture has him in it.

I don't know, maybe it's not like that for everyone. Maybe I'm just the sentimental type. Maybe I'm a bit too pessimistic about relationships. Maybe I'm sensitive about a lot things. Maybe.

Someone once told me, "If a man is serious and sincere about being with you, he will come knocking at the door to see your parents, not you." Basically this means that if a man likes you, he will see your parents first and ask for your hand in marriage. He will do it the right way. Instead of doing the norm nowadays – asking you out and 'proposing' to you to be his girlfriend – he will meet your parents, ask for their blessing and permission to be with their daughter, and thus implicitly make a vow to them that he will take care of you. A man like this knows his responsibilities. He is aware that if something were to happen, he knows whom he has to answer to.

Too conservative? Probably, but I think it's beautiful. It upholds the status of a woman and shows how precious she is. It gives you security and assurance about a man's sincere intentions if he really does that. It affirms how much he values you.

If you've watched Pride and Prejudice (starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen), you'd know that this was a common practice even among the non-Muslims in the olden days. I think it's such a shame that this custom is mostly lost with time. If you haven't watched the movie yet, for crying out loud, please download it now and watch it. 

People would argue that it's necessary to really, really know the person that you're going to marry. How can you marry a person you've just known for 6 months? A year? 2 years?

Sure, I agree that it's absolutely imperative to know if you're marrying Mr. Right. But that doesn't mean that you have to be with him for a certain duration of time before you're allowed to tie the knot. There's no rule for this. You can be with someone for 10 years before getting married and still get a divorce somewhere down the road. Or, you can marry someone you've only known for barely a year and still have a long, happy married life.

The blessing is not in the number of years you've had together pre-marriage. This is what I believe. This is what I hold on to. So it's okay that some aunties seem to think that it's 'now or never' in the relationship department. If love doesn't come now, it will come later, insyaAllah – and when it does come a-knocking, I'd want to keep it halal.

Ergo, if you ask me why I'm single, I will tell you quite simply: "Because no one has masuk meminang yet."

..... Not that I'll marry the first person who proposes.

It's Eid!

I'm well aware that more than a week has passed since the first of Syawal but if you're a Malaysian, you would know that Malaysians make full use of the whole month to celebrate Eid. So I'd like to take advantage of this and wish everyone (however little audience this blog has) Eid Mubarak! Or as we're more accustomed to, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! 

I want to susun my sepuluh jari and ampun maaf zahir & batin for all of my wrongdoings, be it intentional/unintentional. For all the hurtful and offensive comments that so easily rolled off my tongue. The insensitive scoffs at your honest opinions. The jokes I made that you laughed at, but deep down, stung a little bit. The way I sometimes come off as egoistic and arrogant. The times I accidentally stepped on your foot without saying sorry. The times I forgot my manners. The times I'd possibly focused on pleasing another person at the expense of your feelings. The way I sometimes forget my priorities. The times when I took your food when you were really just offering me to be polite. The times when I wouldn't let you have my food. The moments when I forgot how to act like a normal humanbeing. The instances when I embarrassed you in public. And everything else that has ever hurt you or wounded your pride in any way. Minta ampun!

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Raya with your families and friends! I just looove Raya because of all the colours and the food (!!!) and just the atmosphere and togetherness that we see in this month. Hopefully none of you have gained back the kilos that you lost during Ramadhan :p but hey ease up a bit on the diet, it's not everyday that we get to eat Raya food!

Anyway, I hope all of you made full use of your time with your loved ones. As cliche as it sounds, and as hard as it can be at times, we should treasure & cherish the people around us before it's too late. Eid Mubarak again from me and my family! Taqabbal Allahu minkum! Love lots!

Mood swings

The thing I hate most about the time of the month is the mood swings.

One minute I'm totally happy, then someone does something totally normal (which probably doesn't even concern me) and it annoys me, and then a thought crosses my mind about something random and I get angry.

Really. Sometimes when I get angry about something small, it only makes me angrier because I'm not even supposed to be affected by it in the first place. And my mood changes sooo quickly that it's hard to keep up with myself. I always have to keep in mind that it's harder for the people around me because they don't know what's happening.

Some men probably think that women exaggerate mood swings so that we can get away with getting angry, but no. At least I don't. The struggle is real. Especially when it comes to controlling my anger. It's extra hard when I'm on my period but I really try to keep my tolerance level high and keep my mouth shut whenever I'm ticked off.

It's not easy, guys :( I'm always quick to make a comment whenever I'm provoked. It feels satisfying... for a while. Before the guilt creeps in and eats me up from the inside.

Sigh. Sabar. So so hard. Ya Allah please grant me patience. Beautiful, beautiful patience.

Stay safe!

My neighbourhood is totally not safe anymore. Just this past week there have been so many police reports about breaking & entering. Some of them are unsuccessful attempts, but still.

A few days ago, I was arguing with my mum because I wanted to go to the surau for terawih alone. The surau is just a stone's throw away from my house so I was totally fine with walking there by myself. She insisted that I waited for my brother, but I didn't want to because he always goes late and I like to be at the surau at least 10 minutes before Isya' (kiasu to get the best spot). Good thing my cousin was there to teman me go early and return home... because that same night, 3 men (believed to be Latin Americans) tried to break into my neighbour's house. At about 8pm!

The CCTV footage showed them walking all tenang around the house. They tried to open one of the windows and then the alarm went off but they just kept their cool, disabled the alarm and waited for a few minutes before driving off so as to remain inconspicuous. The police said they drive cars like Vellfire, Peugeot, Estima etc so nobody would have thought they were suspicious. Damn pro.

It's so scary nowadays, there are bad people everywhere. We should always always be careful no matter where we are. Remember that bad guys don't always look suspicious, sometimes they look just as innocent as the guy next door. Lock up properly at night and always remember to doa!

Hope everyone stays safe & may Allah protect all of us from the evils of His creations.

Obsession & compulsion

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya I have a problem. Sungguh problem!!! Lately I've been going on FashionValet & Zalora everyday. Everyday. For no good reason! I would just browse through the categories that interest me and casually scroll through the items, looking for nothing in particular. I don't even know why I do this to myself. Why do I put myself through this heartbreak?! I mean, I obviously can't browse through an online store without wanting something. Having said that, it's not like I have any money to spend either. It's a very weird and unnecessarily painful routine.

I'm thinking that this behaviour is more of a habit now than anything else. I don't know if it qualifies as a disorder, but let's not get into that..... This is normal for a woman. Right? A woman (typically) has a desire to shop. Unfortunately for me (and my father, because he pays), this aforementioned desire is extra kuat in me. BUT, in my defence, my father is quite a shopper himself too. Looks like I'm just a chip off the old block, eh?

The thing is, I think recently I've been a bit obsessed with Vivy and her fashion sense. Everything she wears is damn ace, but then that's probably because she's super gorgeous in the first place. But still. A few days ago I found myself looking for platform heels. Why? Sebab Vivy wears them. I want to buy one of Love To Dress' new dresses. Why? Well primarily because of Asma', and because it's convenient and wudhu-friendly (I'm not making these up, I had actually weighed out the pros and cons when the new collection came out) (okay I lied, I only considered the pros), but then I saw a picture of Vivy in one and that made me want the dress even more. Now I'm eyeing the Daniel Wellington watches because yep, you guessed it, Vivy has one. It's damn scary and obsessive, and yes I do admit that I have a problem.

I haven't bought anything out of compulsion so far though, alhamdulillah (clap clap clap). Thank God for that last bit of sanity, haha. I've been telling myself that I have to control my nafsu when I'm fasting. (Is it just me or is this really really difficult??)

I suppose at the end of the day, everyone has different tests from God. Mine just happens to be an overpowering urge to shop – among many other things. I know it sounds materialistic, and I won't even try to justify it because it's true, isn't it? It's a disease of the heart, materialism, and even though it doesn't seem like it, I'm truly trying to overcome it. Someday, insyaAllah, I'll have the strength to look at handbags and shoes and beautiful clothes and not even bat an eyelid. Until then, this will continue to be one huge battle for me.

Now let's all appreciate the fact that I don't have a credit card. Only God knows what will happen if I do...

Summer plans

Before I came back to Malaysia I'd thought about what I was gonna do during summer. I've got 3 months of holiday in my hands – no post-holiday exams (like we used to have in KY pfft) and no more assignments to worry about. My mind went on crazy overdrive. Imagine bringing a kid to a candy store and telling him that he can have anything that he wants. Obviously at first he doesn't know where to begin, and once he does, he can't stop grabbing the candies. That's how mini Fatin was like in my mind. Running around here and there, all kelam kabut because there's just SO much that I want to do. A hundred ideas attacked my thoughts at one time:

I can get a job.

I have to catch up with all of my friends.

I have to meet the people that I've only been in touch with through social media.

I can take my cousins on a roadtrip.

Go cuti with the family if my dad can get some days off (but unlikely).

I have to go to USS.

I have to eat all of the (cheap!!!) Malaysian food that I can't get in London.

Oh, and play sports.

I wanna start horse-riding!

Maybe take up Arabic classes (I have to be productive somehow, right).

And sewing classes! Think of all the skirts that I can make! (Don't even know when)

Eh and I think I might as well take a course on Microsoft Office (still a noob on the complex stuff).

Hmm should I also shop in KL or wait till I balik London.....

And the list went on and on. At one point I mentally grabbed mini-me in my mind and shook myself hard. STOP. There was no way that I'll be able to do everything. I have three months, not three years. So I started organising my to-do list, with the more important things being at the top. I say "organise" and not "revise" because I'm degil and in denial like that. Somehow, by the grace of God, I will find a way to do most of the things on my list (snorts).

So mula-mula I thought of doing an internship with FashionValet. I sent them my CV and everything, but the office is just too far for me to commute back & forth everyday, and I wouldn't have time to do much else anyway, so my parents said no. There's that. Then I'd met many of my friends before bulan puasa, and done some raya shopping with my mum (money go bye bye, I cry cry). Now that Ramadhan is here, everything has to be put on hold for the moment until after raya. It's a shame to waste away this month and its barakah, kan? Everything else can wait.

Sooo, since I can't do much masa puasa, I've been taking Arabic classes since Ramadhan started. Basically I was like "Okay! It's time to reconnect with my roots! It's time to learn the language of the Quran! I want to understand what I say in solat! I'm ready to be an Arab!!" I was on fire. I felt so ready to cakap Arab and everything. Padahal I had to start at Level 1.

This morning in class I was a bit clueless and kept on giving wrong answers and my teacher concluded, "Fatin is hungry today." There are 2 other girls in my class but they're both so quiet and baik, so I'm pretty much the only one who always gives out wrong answers confidently. Not so surprising... My grandpa would probably facepalm himself if he heard me speak Arabic. Disgraceful. Hahaha.